1 Itne paise kahaan se aaye. Kahin tu koi ulta seedha kaam to nahi kar raha hai?
A filmi maa never asks for more money. She just wants enough to run the house. She is so used to poverty that when you do start earning more money, she is suspicious. More often than not, she is right. Once she is on to this line, no explanation is going to convince her.
2 Tune hamaari izzat mitti me mila di hai.
At some point in a proper Bollywood film, the hero/heroine will take their parents carefully stored izzat and apply to it a mixture of well manured and fertilized soil, or fall in love (whichever is easily available). Cue the filmi maa with her habitual stating of the obvious.
3 Ye din dekhne se pehle main mar kyon nahi gayi?
For someone who never has a hangover, the filmi mummy does hate days. Her son fails? Her daughter has an affair? Her husband loses his job? She will blame it on the day. Nights are, apparently, more manageable.
4 Tu paida hote hi mar kyon nahi gaya?
Considering the number of heroes born in stormy weather, under lightning and thunder (historically unsafe conditions), it is a valid question. But for the filmi mother, this is the brahmastra in her emotional blackmailing arsenal. It can make Dharam paaji start sobbing. It is not a weapon to trifle with.
5 Aaj agar tere babuji zinda hote toh...
That moment when the hero walks home with the so important 'First Class pass' marks, the true filmi mummy will wipe her eyes and remember her husband who had such short screen time. After all, it is so hard to find a good guy these days.
6 Tu aa gaya. Haath paaon dho le, main tere liye khaana lagati hu.
This is the loving mother. It does not matter what time her children return, or where they return from; she will always have food ready for them. After all, the family that eats together.... never mind.
7 Hey bhagwaan, mere suhaag ki raksha karna.
The good filmi maa will always pray for her good husband. She will light lamps that never die out even in the fiercest storm and keep vrats. Considering the habit of the 'suhaag' to take panga with some gunda, daaku, or karkhaane ke maalik in the first half hour of the movie, it is a very valid request.
8 Are O munnu ke pitaaji, sunte ho....
This is not a trait limited to filmi maa-triarchy. It is a common call heard across houses in India. Perhaps that is one reason this line is such a common feature in so many films across India. Sitting inside her kingdom of the kitchen, her voice will announce any event that her children cannot tell the father themselves. Or it might just be the grocery list, who knows?
9 Kya maine tumhe isi din ke liye paal pos kar bada kiya tha?
No. Don't answer that. It's a rhetorical question. The answer is no, by the way. The hero has disappointed his mother. She who wasn't disappointed with her husband's death, the landlord's rent, or maalik's nainsaafi, is now disappointed. This is the ultimate putdown. It is usually followed by a heart attack for the mother, or an exile for the hero.
10 Ek baar mujhe maa kehke pukaaro beta!
It eventually has to end with this. The dying son, gulping his last draughts of precious oxygen, fights his way to his mother. Though practicality demands an immediate application of first aid and medicine, no filmi maa worth her salt would accept that without hearing that one precious word first. Why? Kyunki maa ka toh dil hi aisa hai re!