How can I feel alone when millions are grieving with us, says Sutapa Sikdar in an emotional note

A couple of days after actor Irrfan Khan passed away, his wife Sutapa Sikdar has written a long emotional note expressing gratitude to the millions of people who grieved with the family. 

The note reads, “How can I write this as a family statement when the whole world is taking it as a personal loss? How can I begin to feel alone when millions are grieving with us at the moment? I want to assure everyone that this is not a loss, it is a gain. It’s a gain of the things he taught us, and now we shall finally begin to truly implement it and evolve. Yet, I want to try to fill in the things that people don’t already know.” 

Sikdar also praised Khan’s strive for perfection in whatever he did, in the note. “It’s unbelievable for us but I would put it in Irrfan’s words, ‘it’s magical’ whether he is there or not there, and that’s what he loved. He never loved one dimensional reality. The only thing I have a grudge against him is, he has spoiled me for life. His strive for perfection doesn’t let me settle for ordinary in anything.”

She added, “There was a rhythm, which he always saw in everything, even in cacophony and chaos, so I have learnt to sing and dance to the music of that rhythm, even with my tone-deaf voice and two left feet.”

She  also subtly alluded to the time when Khan was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer.  “Funnily, our life was a masterclass in acting, so when the dramatic entry of the ‘uninvited guests’ happened, I had by then learnt to see a harmony in the cacophony. The doctor’s reports were like scripts which I wanted to perfect, so I never miss any detail that he sought for in his performance,” she wrote. 

Sikdar thanked a list of doctors who stood by them and became pillars of support. She explained the difficult journey as, “It’s difficult to explain what a wondrous, beautiful, overwhelming, painful and exciting this journey has been. I find this two and a half years to have been an interlude, which had it’s own beginning, middle and culmination, with Irrfan helming the role of the orchestra conductor.” 

Their sons Babil and Ayaan also contributed to the note as they penned down what their father had taught them. 

Irrfan Khan  died at the age of 53 at Mumbai's Kokilaben Dhirubhai Ambani Hospital on Wednesday morning.